Well it's Sunday night. Another weekend is pretty much over. How many dates did we have this weekend? Um...none. Well that's not necessarily fair to my "almost" boo. Yes I said "almost." We're kind of at the gun range and both of us are having trouble pulling the trigger.
The think I hate most about dating is the uncertainty. I mean you spend so much time with someone getting to know their "representative" and then making that "pimp decision" as Katt Williams would say on whether or not you want to actually try to be around them more than every once in a while. That's all a relationship is really. It kind of looks like this on a scale:
Casual Acquaintance - See you when I see you
Casually Dating - See you when I see you and sometimes I may let you take me out
Dating - Sometimes I'll pay when we go out
Relationship - I guess you can come around more than once every other weekend
Marriage - Well damn...guess we get to see each other when we go to bed AND when we wake up in the morning.
Seriously, marriage should be better than that but I'm trying to create a humorous picture of dating that any six year old can understand my frustration with. So about the "almost boo" situation.
We've been communicating with one another for nearly two months. We've been seeing each other a few times a week for the last two weeks or so. But we're both admittedly still dating. While my side of the still dating coin is more like ruling out other options, his side of the coin is more than likely making sure nothing else is better for him than Moi. How is that different from what I'm doing? Simply put, I want to make sure that how I feel when I am around him is not simply because he's a man. So while he is looking for something better than me, I'm looking for the same connection in another man...not necessarily a "better" man.
So why can't I pull the trigger?
I have dating PTSD. When I talk to him, he calms me but what do we really talk about? Me. Because I talk more than I listen. That's a work in progress and besides the point...then again it could be the point exactly. I want him to feel free to share with me. So I try to not talk and he clams up...and falls asleep. Go figure. But the kids/cats like him. Coco Chanel literally meows goodbye to him when he leaves, and Oscar likes him enough to lay on him. That's got to be a good sign right? What the hell do animals know about people? I guess animals do have a way of sensing when people are innately bad but a cat hiding under the bed is hardly a red flag.
Nonetheless, I digress. We shall trudge onward and see what happens. But I know one thing is for sure...I'm not sure how much longer I'll be teetering toward him. It's funny how life works. You want a relationship to find you, then when proposed with an option, you pick it apart. I'm such a woman. lol
TTFN
