Well y'all, I've officially had my "first" date of the '13. I want to be excited but honestly, I'm still trying to wrap my head around a few things. Israel (changing his name to protect anyone that may know him) was charming, kind, and very lean. Lean is a kind word. When I stand next to him, I feel insecure. Let me start from the beginning.
I started talking to Israel exactly one week ago. We met online and communicated via email. We exchanged last names and cell phone numbers and started texting each other. We communicate at least 2 times a day, every day in one way or another. So we originally were supposed to meet last Friday. Then we changed it to last Thursday but I made a critical error: I took a nap. Why was that an error? Because lately, every time I wake up from a nap or a decent slumber, I have a migraine. Go figure. So that blew Thursday. Friday I wasn't feeling it so we played it cool and finally decided tonight was the night that we would meet.
I kept my stress level to a severe minimum all day, watched We Bought A Zoo...cutest move EVERRR by the way!!! Then I did it again. I took a nap so I would be refreshed this evening. Woke up with a headache too. Then to add insult to injury, it looked so overcast and dreary outside that made me not want to go at all. I felt myself starting to get anxious. Emotional even. I called my homegirl TT and got a great pep talk ... put my big girl panties on and got dressed to go on my date.
Traffic irritated me to the point I was glad that I had left early enough to deal with all the people on the road that evidently did not want to go home from work. Once I made it to the restaurant, I sent him a text to let him know. My nerves were on edge. I was nervous, edgy because of my road fury, and my head still hurt. I checked my wig...still in place...seemed to be secure. The last thing a diva wants is for her wig to slip in the middle of a date. Not a good look.
I went inside and less than 2 minutes later Israel showed up. He looked exactly like his picture. Immediately my mind went into panic mode. Did he think I looked like MY picture? Was he attracted to me? Was I attracted to him? He is 13 yrs my senior. He has a daughter that's a teenager. I bet she's absolutely stunning. Most women from his culture are in my opinion. He was very lean. I guess fit is the right word. Immediately I feel insecure just standing next to him because I'm literally about 3 times his size. He's taller than me by 4 inches though. Nonetheless Israel is an attractive guy that I'm not 100% sure I'm attracted to.
We hug and he asks if I had been there before. Only once. We decided on some fruit and tea. My stomach was on some whole other shit so not like I could've eaten much anyway. We talked. That's when he hit me with the invisible bat that shattered all of the confidence I had spent building for the last hour. See, yesterday we were talking about our hobbies and whatnot and he shared that his favorite hobby was to play soccer. I said mine was to sleep or watch reality TV. Then he asked me if I exercise. I told him the truth: the last time I actually exercised was before Thanksgiving. I said that I have to be in the mood to do it. What I do is watch how much I eat as opposed to what I eat because I don't do well with restrictions. So we were reflecting on hobbies today and he says "I guess I can tell you about my clinic." Turns out he owns a weight loss clinic. Damn those fates...bitches!
Here's more food for thought...
I've been a patient at his clinic before. Twice actually. The 2nd time he grilled me about not coming back and asked me if I was going to be able to stick with it this time...at the time I had been laid off from my job. So I'm really questioning this one.
So I'm fighting internally with the "he's not telling you so that you can go to his clinic" but sharing his vocation. Yet considering our mismatch in hobbies and activity levels, my insecurities prevail. At the end of the date, he walked me to my car, we hugged and decided to see each other again this week. I'm okay with that.
I asked him if he remembered me. Of course not. Too many patients.
I asked if he was attracted to me as I am right now, or if he felt I would be more attractive if I lost weight. His answer: Both. I'm chewing on that one for a while. Not sure how to feel about that.
Life (especially dating) is soooooo not like a romance novel. Sometimes the chemistry is not instant. But isn't that how it should be? Is it wrong for me to want to be wooed? Onward I ponder.
TTFN
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